Here I sit in my favorite coffee shop next to a hot, mug of green tea. The one solitary dollar I had left in the world - supplemented with the Kennedy half-dollar I’ve had sliding around in my ashtray for the last two years - went to pay for the tea. Payday isn’t for another seven days, and all the food I have at home is a half-bag of Bachelor Chow and a half-jar of peanut butter.
I had another hearing with the implacable gods of the kleptocracy… Last time I was able to squeeze out a concession that stopped the garnishing of my pay for now. In return they demand tribute. Fine… tribute. Only they did NOT stop the garnishment, but still the tribute was demanded… Irony bites back sometimes, I had won the right to pay less, and as a result, I was paying even more. This last hearing was just a formality, but that doesn’t put cash in my hand.
It took six weeks before, finally, the tax services stopped carving up my paycheck. My lawyer’s secretary told me that they are bound by law to pay that last six weeks garnishment back. I’ll believe it when the check arrives.
I’ll get paid soon, a real, no-foolin’, non-garnished paycheck. And my refund should be enough to catch up on my bills and maybe even go to see a real dentist, but until then, this is probably the worst off I’ve ever been.
And so here I sit… thinking on all that’s happened, and it reminds me of a woman.
She swung those big eyes around like spotlights, that first day we met. She had a manner and a mind that would have slain me anyway, but it was those eyes that clinched it. Before I knew what was happening, I was in love with her. Before that had a chance to sink in, she was gone.
Once we walked in City Creek canyon on beautiful fall morning before she had to be at work. At more than one point in the hike she stopped me in the middle of the trail and threw her arms around me. She said it was a kiss she couldn’t resist.
This is how I remembered it:
In her name is a melody
That rises and falls with quiet breath.
I sing to myself when no one can hear.
Close my eyes and feel the music.
Her heart is as old as the earth and sea
Hidden behind little girls eyes.
The fact that what happened next was not a HUGE red flag for me is a testament to my mental state.
Down the last stretch of the path before the guardshack and the parking lot… we were trotting happily and smiling puppydog love when suddenly she froze, looking off into the distance, her mouth slack, “Is that my husband?!” she said. I looked up to see a tall man disappear around the corner.
If that wasn’t bad enough, I found myself wondering how well I could hold my own if the shit came down right there on the path in City Creek. It was a kamakaze daydream, however… He had been teaching Kung Fu for fifteen years.
Well, it wasn’t her husband that day. And it wouldn’t be long before she came to her senses – and by the time I came to mine, those eyes were for me no longer.
We had many connections and quite a lot of that magic that only comes out when the connection clicks and the air is thick with that exuberant, mammal energy. The moment that’s most on my mind now is one day when she took me to lunch. She knew of my IRS problem and was very supportive in my futile efforts with lawyers… as we stopped for gas, she rummaged in her purse and pulled out a Tesoro gift card. She said she didn’t know if there was anything left on it, but here… buy yourself some gas or something. It was a very sweet gesture, but I ended up never using it.
Eighteen months later and a few levels deeper in poverty, I have come across that card again. It still had $50.00 on it.
Now, swimming in irony already, the only reason I have food in my stomach and gas in my car is because I had the temerity to kiss a married woman.
So, with tongue firmly planted in cheek (...that Tesoro sandwich was the worst tasting thing I've ever been glad to eat.) I say: Wonders will never cease.
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